Today’s prompt: Who is someone who inspires you and why? Really hasn’t inspired me.

But I had a few thoughts related to the prompt that aren’t really a response to it.

First: You can choose who you admire.

My mom is not an inspiration. She has some emotional health disorders that have been scarring. Including some form of narcissism. She acted and coached me to believe that she was some sort of example to live up to. Someone to listen to and admire.

When I was in my mid 30s I realized that, despite my coaching, I didn’t really admire my mom’s life choices. I discovered this because I realized that I was working with a woman named Sue who had had a number of parallel early life experiences with mom. But had chosen to move on; getting a degree in engineering and moving on with her life. Mom was last I knew still playing the blame game. Everything was always someone else’s fault.

Sue was extremely competent. I worked with her a few times. I greatly admired her, both for her extreme competence in my own field (stress in the aerospace industry) but more because of how strong and positive she was. Moving forward and not letting the past define her.

I decided then that I could love mom but not put her on a pedestal, I could choose someone else for a role model.

Second: Sometimes you don’t see inspiration in the moment. That doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Perhaps because of mom’s whatever (un-diagnosed mental illness), even though we were close to her parents we never were encouraged to think of them as role models.

But, looking back at my almost 60 years, they were the most influential and supportive people in my life. I was blessed to have them for so long. Grandpa died not long after my 40th birthday and Grandma died the day after my 57th. What an amazing gift!

I’ve written a bit about my grandparents since I started this blog. Personally I think those posts may be my best writing. Here are a couple that best explain the complex relationships that go with recognition of that gift: Gramps’s Legacy, For all the Saints, Here is the post I wrote the day Grandma died: 5000 miles away.

Some other posts I have written about my grandparents: Carpe Diem, The waiting is the hardest part, They also serve, Polyticks, California Deamin’, Dealing with the stuff of life.

Lack of conclusion

I’ve had many people in my life and they have all impacted me. On this particular day I don’t feel particularly inspired. That doesn’t mean that I am not being inspired. I just may not know it yet.

May life hand you inspiration, but, more important, may it hand you love and care.