I haven’t been very active on this blog lately. It was the holidays, but also something more…or, more accurately, less. I haven’t been taking many photos of late. It’s too dark and it seems like everything is dead. Nothing looks good.
Melancholy is an old fashioned word that sounds a bit like the feeling. I don’t feel sad, or depressed. Those words have an ugly edge to them. Also, the definition of melancholy includes gloom.
This winter has been dark and gray, and I can’t seem to strike a spark, let alone get a fire started.
I put up the Christmas decorations, and for the past few days I’m taking them down, slowly. It doesn’t feel like there’s any rush, because there isn’t a next coming along.
There’s nothing really wrong. It’s just winter, and spring feels a long way off. Many winters we don’t have a complete die off. As early as now we might see buds, even a few precocious blossoms.
But the cold snaps, snow, freezing rain and wind storms have chased the natural world into hibernation more thoroughly than most years.
January 30th marks 3 years since we bid our son farewell in Auckland, as he headed back to China for work…but, as it turned out, lock down, opening up, then lock down, again and again. After enough bouts of disappointed optimism, I am beginning to wonder if we will ever see him again. Nothing dramatic: he is alive and healthy, we didn’t have a fight and now hate each other, but it feels like things are never going to work out.
Yesterday morning when we awoke our little dog, Asta, had passed away sometime in the night. She was a cheerful, and cheering, little soul, and it’s one more downer.
I just wanted you to know why I’m only half here right now. The days are getting longer now, so maybe things will become less gloomy soon.