Category Archives: Uncategorized

No Confidence

I am not confident. The funny thing is that I no longer value confidence.

When shopping downtown this past Christmas, I walked into a clothing store and saw a sign that advertised to the sexy and confident, thought “I am neither” then walked out. It was not a melancholy I-wish-I-were sort of feeling, just a matter of fact, this is not for me.

The lack of appeal of the word sexy didn’t surprise me, but the total lack of appeal of confidence did. After all don’t we all try to hone our skills and become knowledgeable so we do not have to dither? Doesn’t confidence help give us the courage to act?

I do not feel worthless or lacking in skill or knowledge. It is just that I have seen so many confident seeming situations derailed, often by folks who are just plain wrong insisting they are right. If ignorance is their only source of bliss I suppose it is okay…so long as it does not impact me.  I do not strive to be one of them.

My problem is how to respond in those situations where I am impacted. How do you let folks take the natural consequences for their own actions?

In parenting “natural consequences” were all the rage when my child was young. Problem was that the natural consequences for things like running into the street can be pretty dire, and not just for the kid. Most situations are not that dramatically clear, but where do you draw the line?

How do you respond to the request for assistance when the person is in a mess of their own making, but it impacts everyone around them? What do I do to protect myself? With all these questions how could I feel confident?

Today, I think, I am seeking wisdom, understanding and discernment, where in my youth I admired and sought confidence.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “I Have Confidence in Me.”

I am Learning to “Use My Words”

I started this blog when I took a class in creating websites. I wanted to experiment with layout and techniques beyond the class assignments, so I needed to create some “content” to play with.

What I had easily available was my own life…but words do not come easily to me. Often my “story” is a sensation (touch, smell, taste, sound or picture) that triggers a feeling. How can I communicate that feeling?

Through blogging I have, slowly, been using photographs and words to try and learn to communicate the feelings and sometimes link them to a bigger idea. I think this is the essence of composition. So, though blogging, I am learning to compose. It is like quilting: you take a bit of this fabric and some of that and arrange and rearrange them until there is a sense of “yes!” Obviously, I am not an everyday, words-pour-out-easily sort of blogger,

Learning communication through composition isn’t something you ever finish. It cannot be done once and for all, so I need to keep at it and to take a look at how others approach the same themes. I didn’t know when I threw the first bit together, but that is what blogging is. So here am I, on the downhill slope of middle age learning to “use my words” with a picture here and there thrown in because words don’t always do it.

Xingfu means blessed.

Xingfu means happy and blessed in Chinese. Even though 2014, the year I started this blog, was a busy and, at times, difficult year that is the word I thought of for this space. Mama not because I have many children but because I seem to fall into a caregiving role. Sometimes I feel like Mama to the world.

The name XingfuMama means Happy Mama with undertones of being blessed.