Tag Archives: depression

Melancholy

I haven’t been very active on this blog lately. It was the holidays, but also something more…or, more accurately, less. I haven’t been taking many photos of late. It’s too dark and it seems like everything is dead. Nothing looks good.

Melancholy is an old fashioned word that sounds a bit like the feeling. I don’t feel sad, or depressed. Those words have an ugly edge to them. Also, the definition of melancholy includes gloom.

This winter has been dark and gray, and I can’t seem to strike a spark, let alone get a fire started.

Little items from our past Christmas’s and Grandma’s cache.

I put up the Christmas decorations, and for the past few days I’m taking them down, slowly. It doesn’t feel like there’s any rush, because there isn’t a next coming along.

There’s nothing really wrong. It’s just winter, and spring feels a long way off. Many winters we don’t have a complete die off. As early as now we might see buds, even a few precocious blossoms.

Last January 12th.

But the cold snaps, snow, freezing rain and wind storms have chased the natural world into hibernation more thoroughly than most years.

January 2020, rumors of a strange illness were just starting on the Chinese message boards.

January 30th marks 3 years since we bid our son farewell in Auckland, as he headed back to China for work…but, as it turned out, lock down, opening up, then lock down, again and again. After enough bouts of disappointed optimism, I am beginning to wonder if we will ever see him again. Nothing dramatic: he is alive and healthy, we didn’t have a fight and now hate each other, but it feels like things are never going to work out.

A small dog bravely preparing to cross a creek that is big by comparison.
A cheerful little dog undaunted by a big world.

Yesterday morning when we awoke our little dog, Asta, had passed away sometime in the night. She was a cheerful, and cheering, little soul, and it’s one more downer.

I just wanted you to know why I’m only half here right now. The days are getting longer now, so maybe things will become less gloomy soon.

What comes after antipathy?

Don’t worry, lots of people live in fascist, authoritarian regimes. Quality of life for regular people inevitably drops, but that takes time. (Time that lets the authoritarians cement their power as they take from poor and middle class and give it to those who will help them stay in power. No one really cares about those losers anyway.)

I am tired. My heart is sad and my nerves are frayed. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, even more than usual.

I find myself just over it, in terms of antipathy. I’m ready for a sane president who respects the constitution and the citizens of the USA, and that is sounding like that might not happen, through cheating and collusion. I’m not angry about it. I’m depressed.

Ballots

It’s those pesky ballots, you see…the ones people use to vote. “If you get rid of the ballots…” Donald Trump said at one of his rallies last week. Let’s be clear: If you do that you get an autocracy, in this case a fascist autocracy.

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